Obligatory Introductory Speech

Night gathers, and now my watch begins. It shall not end until my death. I shall take no wife, hold no lands, father no children. I shall wear no crowns and win no glory. I shall live and die at my post. I am the sword in the darkness. I am the watcher on the walls. I am the fire that burns against the cold, the light that brings the dawn, the horn that wakes the sleepers, the shield that guards the realms of men. I pledge my life and honor to the Night’s Watch, for this night and all nights to come.

My previous statements could only mean one of  either two things: 1.) That I have somehow managed to magically transport myself to the kingdom of Westeros (a fictional kingdom from George R.R. Martin’s A Song of Ice and Fire series) which then eventually led to my unknowing induction to the sworn brotherhood of the Night’s Watch; 2.) I just wanted to sound a lot cooler than I actually am by pretending to be a sworn brother of the Night’s Watch.

Allow me to properly introduce myself. Hello. My name’s Erianne and these are the rules I meticulously try to live by in life:

  • If it has cheese on it, it’s probably delicious and worth everything you have.
  • Pie will forever be the greatest comfort food to have ever been created by mankind.
  • To fight for the right of sharks to swim with all their fins intact is a truly worthy and noble cause.
  • You can never go wrong with dogs.
  • An apple juice a day can help you stay awake for hours on end.
  • Tim Burton’s and Sofia Coppola’s films should most definitely be included in your must-see list of movies before you die.
  • When in doubt, put on your earphones and listen to music.
  • Book-sniffing is relatively healthy.
  • Keeping a journal in which you can scribble down a bunch of random crap is not weird.
  • Doing a Sentai pose can increase one’s chances of becoming more photogenic.
  • When it comes to ‘sweet rides’, nothing is better than a high-flying Mobile Suit.
  • Everyone deserves to fall in love with a particular book that—-if it somehow gets ripped away from them and burned in a pyre—-will certainly urge them to give it a proper wake and burial.
  • Never EVER piss off George Martin when it comes to writing the ASOIAF series. You wouldn’t want the last book to be entitled, ‘WELP. I TOLD YOU SO. NOW ALL THE STARKS ARE DEAD’.
  • There is always enough time for crashing the mode.
  • Any restaurant can become a drive-thru if you drive in ala-Fast and Furious style.
  • The phrase ‘Winter is coming’ will always be appropriate in any sort of situation.
  • Pirates versus Ninjas? Why must you choose when you can root for both?
  • Slaying zombies is a good stress-reliever.
  • Nothing sounds better than the tune of new guitar strings.
  • You can tell a lot about a person when it comes to which DC Superhero they love the most.
  • If it’s got panels, speech bubbles, and superheroes with overly-exaggerated muscular features parading in skin-tight onesies, then READ IT.
  • There is no such thing as ‘excessive gaming’.
  • Awkwardly dancing to a funky tune while your roommates are gone is a good morning exercise.
  • Sometimes it helps to cry over your OTPs, favorite fictional characters, and/or fandoms.
  • There is absolutely nothing wrong with using anime catchphrases to punctuate your sentences, dattebayo!
  • Stay traught or be dead.
  • When the opportunity arises, say ‘sorry’ a lot.
  • And lastly, never EVER perform Human Transmutation. You wouldn’t want to know the consequences of doing so.

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